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By Mia Naseth-Phillips, member of AChildAfter40.com
I’ve always followed someone else’s rules or direction on how I should live my life: go to college, start a career, meet a man, then get married and have children.
Trying to be the dutiful daughter I followed the path, but ended up divorced and at 25 years old, and pregnant from an exotic study trip abroad to Italy. I had so wanted to give my daughter the father, picket fence and siblings she deserved! But it just didn’t work out.
A single mother at 40, I still dreamed of a white picket fence.
As I turned 40 as a single mother, I listened to the comments about how “empty nest” was on it’s way, and soon I’d be free to make something of my life. Yet, for me, that something had always remained finding a life partner and maybe another child.
I was a single African American woman living in a state that had a tiny population of people who looked like me. Yet, love found a way. Ironically, I had known my husband long before we became a couple. He was this broad shouldered Norwegian who was rather stoic in his nature.
One day, I worked up the nerve to ask him out for coffee—the rest is history.
We talked about having children; he had two adult daughters, but had never moved to permanently cutting off the opportunity to have more children (pardon the pun).
After a few conversations, we thought if we were going to make this happen, we had better start immediately and see a specialist. Just as we were scheduled to have all the tests done, one evening, my love looked me in my eyes and said “You’re pregnant”. I tested in the morning and discovered that, at the age of 40 I really was pregnant. Wow!
Giving birth at 40, we began to try for a sibling.
After a wonderful pregnancy, I gave birth to our Natasha. We didn’t want her to grow up without a sibling, I actually had nightmares about her feeling alone while her older sisters 15 years ahead of her.
Concerned we were getting old, and the chances of me conceiving again are so low, we started trying again when Nattie was only four months—and I was pregnant again after the first month.
At that point life became a blur full of diapers and excitement and joy. But we began to become more concerned about trying to extend our lives. We wanted to make sure we could live as long as possible and in good health.
Still trying at 47, I know this will be our last child.
Later, at 43, I had two additional pregnancies, one after the other. Both resulted in miscarriages caused by massive fibroids.
The clock was ticking and, after several tests, we were told that my eggs were of poor quality.
At the age of 47 we will be traveling with the girls to Cancun to do IVF using donor egg. I believe they call it a fertility vacation. The clinic has a high success rate and this will be our last child.
How do I know it’s our last?
For the first time, I’ve begun to make plans that don’t include pregnancy, childbirth or additional babies. I’m looking forward to the next stage of life watching my girls grow. I am so glad I starting traveling on a road that I created for myself!
To all on this journey of motherhood after 40, my advice is to drench yourself in support and love.
Notes for this blog:
Mia Naseth-Phillips is originally from Philadelphia and a “military brat” who has lived in many places. She is a SAHM and works in grant management from her home. Her interests include gardening, travel and reading.
- (http://www NULL.ctvnews NULL.ca/health/health-headlines/women-increasingly-going-online-to-seek-free-sperm-donors-1 NULL.1590245)
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