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Since 1994, when her number one hit song “Stay (I Missed You)” (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=ka9mCmx9Jhs) premiered—with the help of actor Ethan Hawk (https://www NULL.facebook NULL.com/EthanHawke)—in the film Reality Bites (http://en NULL.wikipedia NULL.org/wiki/Reality_Bites), Lisa has expressed a cerebral, creative daring to boldly go where no girl has gone before that continues to enthrall and surprise her fans.
The Grammy-nominated singer (http://www NULL.lisaloeb NULL.com/bio/) has had several gold albums (http://www NULL.lisaloeb NULL.com/music/), and TV reality shows on Food Network (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=xYVk3aS_0rM) and the E! Channel (http://en NULL.wikipedia NULL.org/wiki/Number_1_Single). She’s also launched a children’s book (http://www NULL.jbtvonline NULL.com/interviews/lisa-loeb-disappointing-pancake-childrens-book) and CD, along with a foundation (http://www NULL.lisaloeb NULL.com/camp-lisa/) to enable economically disadvantaged children to go to summer camp, as well as her own line of eye wear (http://www NULL.lisaloebeyewear NULL.com NULL.) designs.
Greatest of all her renowned achievements, however, was giving birth to her two children when she was 41 and 44 (http://celebritybabies NULL.people NULL.com/2012/08/31/lisa-loeb-blog-son-emet-kuli-first-photo/) years of age. In an exclusive 10-Question interview with AChildAfter40, Loeb opened up to reveal honest insights into her personal journey of motherhood after 40:
Q1. Women are often criticized as intentionally prioritizing career over motherhood during their fertile 20’s and 30’s. After “Stay” (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=ka9mCmx9Jhs) kicked off your career in 1994, how did success influence your perspective on motherhood over the ensuing years?
I think my perspective on motherhood related directly to where I was in my relationships that might lead to marriage and children. Working so hard through the 90’s (my 20’s and early 30’s) definitely took some of the focus away from having a family, but I thought I’d eventually settle down and have kids.
It wasn’t until I was in my late 30’s when I realized how late it was. Up until then, I heard the doctors telling me that I was where I was in my relationships and would have kids when it was time, and then I turned 38 or 39 and heard that it was time!
Q 2. Many women who become single in their 30’s and 40’s often do so after splitting up from long-term monogamous relationships they had assumed would eventually lead to marriage and children. Did you have a similar experience?
I was involved in two long-term relationships that ended up where they ended up. I’m sure I assumed that those might lead to marriage and kids, but in the end, they weren’t headed in that direction. I learned so much from those relationships, which made me a better person and someone who understands relationships better. I’m so glad that I waited for my current husband. We really love each other a lot and we make a great match for marriage and parenthood.
Q3. In your 30’s you’ve been quoted as embracing your Jewish heritage on a deeper, more spiritual level (JDate (http://www NULL.jdate NULL.com/jmag/2009/07/up-close-and-personals-an-interview-with-lisa-loeb/)). Was it important to you to find “Mr. Right” before you would marry?
LISA: I couldn’t marry without finding the right guy. I feel badly when I get the sense that folks marry because it’s the “right time”. That makes me very nervous.
Q4. When you were 37, on The View (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=DQu7bmWzB5I), you said that if the right partner didn’t turn up, you’d consider using ART (assisted reproductive technologies) to get pregnant. Would you have gone ahead with it (sperm donation) if you’d never met your husband? Do you have advice to other single women in the same circumstances?
I was researching ART (I’ve never used that acronym before…). I thought it was the smart thing to do while I was going along in my search to meet someone. It was something I had control over. I tell all single women who are over 35 and want kids to really start looking into how their body works, what their cycle looks like, and think about what they really want in life and what their options are.
There are doctors who can help out with a lot of that and it takes time to do the research and think about it. It’s not an overnight process, But it’s something you can do while living your life, looking for love. I’m not sure what I would have done exactly if I hadn’t met my husband, but I was doing my research.
Q5. Single women in their mid-30’s to early 40’s feel a lot of angst about their “biological clocks”. When you recorded E!’s “#1 Single “ program, you looked like you were having a lot of fun! 😀 But, deep down, were you experiencing real anxiety over the “clock” ticking away?
I think my clock was biologically imposed. It wasn’t something that I felt, like I hear some woman have. I knew that the older I got, the more difficult it could be for me to get pregnant, and I think a lot of people get kind of nervous about not being able to find a partner in life, if that’s what they want.
After I got married, I realized that looking for a partner (and husband) was more important to me than having kids, but I’d group it all together, “husband and kids,” because that’s part of the little cultural catchphrase a lot of us have stuck in our minds. That being said, now that I’ve had two kids, I’d want that too, no matter what, even though I didn’t realize it until I had them. It’s been an amazing life getting to know the kids and experiencing being a mother.
Q6. You were quoted in 2011 (Fox News (http://www NULL.foxnews NULL.com/entertainment/2011/12/21/where-are-now-0s-singer-lisa-loeb-now-making-music-for-next-generation/)) as saying that, with the launch of “The Silly Singalong” (http://www NULL.amazon NULL.com/Lisa-Loebs-Silly-Sing-Along-Disappointing/dp/1402769156) children’s book/CD that you wanted to “take kids away from the computer”. Did you find that being an over-40 mom, growing up in the 70’s—an era where the “play date” had yet to be invented—and listening to artists like Carole King (http://www NULL.caroleking NULL.com/) made a unique contribution to your writing children’s music?
Yes! Exactly. We used to spend hours listening to records, dancing around the room, sitting on the floor with music books, singing through popular songs, playing piano with my dad, playing Barbies, riding bikes in the neighborhood, playing in the backyard, and all kinds of things that obviously didn’t involve a computer.
I bet we would have loved computers back then too! It was the thing of the future. By the early 80’s we had computer games and video games and even learned some computer programming on the early Apple computers. We also watched a lot of TV, like Sesame Street, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, The Muppets, and then when we were older, there was Gilligan’s Island, The Brady Bunch, and more.
For some reason, watching TV didn’t seem to be as big of an issue as it is now. I think it just felt safer to be a kid running around and being more independent.
Q7. Is there anything special about your 1970’s childhood (that doesn’t exist today) you wish you could give to your own children now?
I think that independence that I talked about in the previous answer is what I wish we could have now. I wish neighborhoods were safe enough for kids to ride bikes and go play at their friends’ houses without as much grownup supervision. You never know who’s going to speed through in their car, trying to find a shortcut in your neighborhood. We know our neighbors, but not every single person. The sunscreen thing is also very time consuming, but we know now that it’s important. I don’t think we spent so much time preparing like we do today.
Q8. You were married at the age of 40 and had your babies at 41 and 44—it’s safe to say you’ve achieved it all! 😀 What’s the good and the bad about being an over-40 mommy? How has it changed your life?
I love the perspective on life I have as an over-40 mom. I’ve experienced things in life that would have been tough as a mom, like all of the travel I did in my 20’s and 30’s as a rock musician. Also, I feel like I’m much better at knowing what’s important and what’s less important, and what my values in life are. I think I took a lot more things a lot more seriously and could fall into the drama of not-so-important situations when I was younger, but now I try to de-dramatize situations and see them as they are.
Don’t get me wrong — I still am a semi-neurotic, over-thinking mom, but I think that’s just being a mom. I’m not sure what’s bad about being over 40, since that’s just what I am (see, I’m okay with the way things are). I’d like to have more time on earth with my husband and kids, and not sure what nature will have in store for me. My health and energy level seem pretty great now…
Q9. What’s the best advice you can give other women feeling all of the uncertainties of being on the journey over motherhood over 40
Do your best and get all the information you can, and if you’re serious about something, you need to prioritize it. Stop traveling so much for work, don’t work so much, concentrate on meeting another person to have kids with or at least streamlining your life to make room for those kids you want, don’t be stressed out either because being stressed will get in your way.
Do what’s realistic for you, and if you can’t have kids, then spend time with other people who have kids — they need help and you can really develop very important relationships with other people’s kids. We have a few friends who spend time with our kids and it’s so amazing for our kids: they love those non-parental grownups so much and it means a lot to me to see those relationships develop too.
Q10. What is your inspiration for Camp Lisa (http://www NULL.lisaloeb NULL.com/camp-lisa/) and what would you like readers to know about it?
I loved summer camp and all that I got from it. I did things that I had never done before, including certain sports, swimming in the lake, playing guitar in front of other people. I developed confidence in being a person and wanted to share that with others.
Music seemed like the best venue for me, as I loved the sing-alongs at camp, from the silly to the heartfelt, from performing at camp to singing along in the cabins or by the lake, and so I made the Camp Lisa CD with my friends Michelle Lewis and Dan Petty and then started the foundation to send kids to camp.
Notes for this blog:
You can find more info on Lisa and her new album, launched in January 2013, “No Fairy Tale” at www.lisaloeb.com (http://www NULL.lisaloeb NULL.com). For her unique eyewear designs, go to: www.lisaloebeyewear.com (http://www NULL.lisaloebeyewear NULL.com). Follow her on Twitter at: @LisaLoeb, and “Like” her on Facebook at: www.facebook/LisaLoebOfficial (http://www NULL.facebook/LisaLoebOfficial).
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