• Tweet (http://twitter NULL.com/share)
  • Delicious
  • SumoMe (http://sumome NULL.com/)
  • Tweet (http://twitter NULL.com/share)
  • Delicious

By Dr. Nancy B. Irwin, author of “YOU-TURN: Changing Direction in Midlife”.

 If you’re over the age of 40 and all you want is to get pregnant, it’s easy to get sucked into a cycle of negative thinking and to panic over your fertility.

But there’s a way to cope with fears about fertility when you’re older, and to help yourself to manifest a happy outcome. It is easier to get pregnant after 40 if you are not constantly worrying about it.

We get whatever we focus on, and whatever we focus on expands.  It seems subtle, yet there is a profound difference in focusing on infertility versus focusing on fertility.

Simply flip the “coin” around and turn the negative thoughts and feelings into positive, desirable perspectives:

 

Reduce Fertility Anxiety Over 40 Check List

 

  1. Take pregnancies of other women over 40 as proof that it can happen to you, too, instead of feeling the natural pangs of jealousy and comparison.
  2. Accept the fact that you may indeed not be able to conceive. This acceptance can allow your anxiety and need to control the outcome to dissipate.  Do research into adoption in the US and abroad.  Explore surrogacy options. If you are truly committed to being a parent, be open and flexible to the many options that are available today.  While you may certainly prefer the natural way, shift your commitment to having and raising a child. Period.
  3.  Grasp the distinction between making something happen and allowing it to happen.
  4.  Avoid alcohol and eat healthful foods, avoiding chemicals and preservatives as much as possible.
  5.  Practice yoga and/or other forms of exercise, for the mental relief and prepare your body for motherhood.
  6.  Find a good therapist or spiritual advisor or life coach to turn anxiety and panic into eager anticipation and excitement.
  7.  Put a picture of a beautiful newborn baby on a vision board with the words: “If it is meant to be…”
  8.  Write letters to your future child, welcoming him/her at the right time for all parties concerned.  Let the baby know you are more than willing and honored to be the vessel, if he/she chooses you as a mother.
  9.  Know that there are many ways to give to children outside of being a mother per se. Mother Theresa and Oprah never had kids.  Explore other outlets for your mothering/nurturing needs: begin charity work for at risk children or orphans, or be a volunteer coach for a sports team or teach creative arts to kids in a shelter.
  10.  Acknowledge unanswered prayers.   Rather pray or meditate for acceptance that everything that happens to you happens for you.

 

 Notes for this blog:

Dr. Nancy Irwin (http://www NULL.drnancyirwin NULL.com/) is a Los Angeles-based therapist/life coach/speaker/reinvention expert, and author of the nonfiction “YOU-TURN: Changing Direction in Midlife.” This collection of “over 40 stories of people over 40” chronicles successful transitions in people’s personal and/or professional lives, and includes professional tips on navigating change.

A former stand-up comedian and opera singer, Dr. Irwin knows a thing or two about change. She is committed through her private practice, writing, and speaking to inspire people that it is never too late to life a life you love.

 

6 Responses to Ten Ways To Cope With Fertility Anxiety After 40

  1. Maha Al Musa (http://www NULL.bellydanceforbirth NULL.com) says:

    Lovely list

    As a mum who had last baby at home at 46 as well as facilitating Bellydance for Birth – I agree on foods we ingest – relaxed disposition and using the Bellydance to tune in to the deepest wisdom story of the womb and move through these portals with visialisAtion and meditation and trust that all is perfect x

  2. Alana at Ovuline (http://www NULL.ovuline NULL.com) says:

    There is a lot of moms who are having babies later in life and really need support from blogs like yours. I have many friends who are having babies later.

    I would advise to seek fertility help sooner than later and get your body checked out to make sure it is working properly.
    -Alana

  3. Lylas says:

    I really like Alana’s suggestion to seek fertility help – not becuase your ready to jump into all sorts of interventions, but maybe there are some simple adjustments that could improve fertility. You don’t have to be ready for IVF or donor eggs to see a fertility expert.

  4. Angel La Liberte (http://www NULL.achildafter40 NULL.com) says:

    I think this article is important because it emphasizes how important the psychological aspects of fertility are, especially after the age of 40 when your fertility is apt to decline more steeply. I’ve spoken with many, many older women who are so panicked and uptight about their age and ability to conceive that the stress takes over all aspects of their lives. And, believe me, I’ve been there myself!
    In my view, stress is like “fertility repellent”. Learn to let go, think positively, and manifest those dreams. It may sound irrelevant and unscientific, but remember, scientists still do not fully comprehend the mysteries of conception. A trusting and positive attitude can do much to enhance fertility after 40.

  5. amy says:

    It seems the author has never been through IVF, which is an all-encompassing, life-sucking process, which leaves you bloated, hormonal, hopeful and despairing. Good for her for conceiving at 39 naturally. Wish she had some sensitivity to others who have to go through a very trying process.

  6. Heather says:

    Despite point #2, I think #1 is a great disservice to women considering their fertility over 40 and very inappropriate for this website. No, you should not look at all the women getting pregnant over 40 and take it as “proof” that you can get pregnant too – at least not naturally. I am pregnant (31 weeks) at 42.5 years old. But it was donor egg. And no, I’m not telling everyone since we’ve decided to keep that information to immediate family until our son is old enough to understand. So, looking at me and knowing my age, you’d get a false sense of hope that you, too, can get pregnant with your own eggs. As our RE once said, many of the celebrities you see pregnant over 40 and certainly over 45 probably used donor eggs. I don’t fault any of them for not revealing that they used donor eggs. But you shouldn’t be so naive to think they all got pregnant with their own eggs. So, please disregard point #1 and consider point #2. I’m not saying you can’t get pregnant with your own eggs after 40 (I did at 40.5), but don’t consider it likely no matter how much “relaxing” and “visualizing” you do. What women need is straight talk and information, not frou frou ideas about how to conceive.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *