• Tweet (http://twitter NULL.com/share)
  • Delicious
  • SumoMe (http://sumome NULL.com/)
  • Tweet (http://twitter NULL.com/share)
  • Delicious

Susanne Eschke, “Rhizomom”

Before we begin our special New Year message, let me share the news. Susanne Eschke from Berlin, Germany–a treasured A Child After 40 Forum member, whom you all know as Rhizomom –will be taking over as Forum administrator for the first 3 months of 2013. She will be especially interested in finding new volunteer moderators and learning about any changes you’d like to see on the Forum.

Please reach out to her at editor [at] achildafter40.com. Or, click here to email Susanne in the forum.

Letting Go, Not Giving Up Getting Pregnant After 40

My name is Susanne, I am almost 42 and a Social Anthropologist/Political Scientist by education (UK and Netherlands). Currently I am teaching Maths and German (and I have done many other things before) to children with special needs in Berlin (Germany). I am also training to become a transactional analyst.

In 2004 I had my first child unplanned (but oh so welcome) and as a single woman at almost thirty-four.

Between early 2010 and late 2011 I got pregnant three times by a new and lovely partner. I traumatically miscarried twice in week 20 (incompetent cervix) and once in week 13 (Trisomy 21).

Am I Past the Rush Hour of Life?

Now my biological clock is ticking away loudly and at high speed. I should really already be past the “rush hour of life”, but single parenthood, building of a new partnership and all those pregnancies going wrong have cost me almost a decade of my life.  My biography is strangely fragmented and everything in it appears to have arrived at inappropriate times.

So this baby plan to become an older mom is in direct opposition to what I should be doing which is bringing in the harvest (money, status, property) and securing our existence with a career that honors my talents and reflects my ambitions.

What the hell am I doing? Why do I want this second child so badly? Do I want a child or do I want to be a parent with my partner? What are my real motives????

Covering Up A Deeper Life Crisis

The answers aren’t all that flattering. The truth is, I am really dissatisfied with my work situation, my partnership isn’t as fulfilling as I am making it out to be and I am trying to cover up a much deeper life crisis with a need for a second biological child by conceiving after 40.

Somewhere along the way I neglected my life goals and got confused and mixed up with a midlife crisis. Not nice indeed! What a void to fill for a little baby. The second I realize what’s really going on I ease up. I can now begin to address these issues with my partner and this is exciting, new and creative.

We are in real contact again and even the sex can turn into real lovemaking as it used to be (rather than merely baby-making).

Menstruation is a Nuisance, Not a Catastrophe

This is the first month in a long time when I may be able to accept the arrival of my menstruation as the usual nuisance rather than a catastrophe. We still want to be parents to this second child, even after the age of 40,  and we will continue to take all the necessary steps may they involve a foster child, conceive a biological child naturally, or even both.

At the same time we will do everything to stay focused on what really matters, and that is our power as a couple and family to add something valuable and meaningful to the world around us beyond the imperatives of biological parenthood.

This is my start into the New Year…

Notes for the blog:

Susanne Eschke, known as “Rhizomom” on the A Child After 40 online forums for women who are trying to conceive over 40, or who gave birth after 40 and are now parenting babies or young children, is now looking for volunteer moderators. To join the forum, click on the orange tab in the left sidebar, or click here to register at A Child After 40. You can email Susanne in the forum, or on the Contact Us form.

2 Responses to Letting Go, Not Giving Up On Pregnancy After 40

  1. Lylas says:

    I absolutely love this line “to add something valuable and meaningful to the world around us”. Now, there is the perfect New Year’s resolution! Thank you.

    • Susanne says:

      Dear Lylas, of course it is easy to say all what I’ve said above when one already has a healthy child. I am aware that it is a lot more painful when faced with the possibility that it may never happen for some couples, but I am convinced that a change in focus can really open up new paths, possibilities and creative life plans that one wouldn’t even have considered before. I guess it comes down to being able to actually “see” what might be possible beyond biological parenthood, but still looking at the world through the eyes of a parent which I feel is a very unique view. At least for me it means responsibility, more environmental awareness, compassion for people anywhere on this planet and a resolution to protect and improve it for those following us regardless of biological ties… A Happy New Year to all of us…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *