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Mia and her children, aged  21, 6 and  5 years old

By Mia Naseth-Phillips, member of AChildAfter40.com

I’ve always followed someone else’s rules or direction on how I should live my life: go to college, start a career, meet a man, then get married and have children.

Trying to be the dutiful daughter I followed the path, but ended up divorced and at 25 years old, and pregnant from an exotic study trip abroad to Italy.  I had so wanted to give my daughter the father, picket fence and siblings she deserved! But it just didn’t work out.

 

A single mother at 40, I still dreamed of a white picket fence.

As I turned 40 as a single mother, I listened to the comments about how “empty nest” was on it’s way, and soon I’d be free to make something of my life. Yet, for me, that something had always remained finding a life partner and maybe another child.

I was a single African American woman living in a state that had a tiny population of people who looked like me. Yet, love found a way.  Ironically, I had known my husband long before we became a couple.  He was this broad shouldered Norwegian who was rather stoic in his nature.

 

One day, I worked up the nerve to ask him out for coffee—the rest is history. 

We talked about having children; he had two adult daughters, but had never moved to permanently cutting off the opportunity to have more children (pardon the pun).

After a few conversations, we thought if we were going to make this happen, we had better start immediately and see a specialist.  Just as we were scheduled to have all the tests done, one evening, my love looked me in my eyes and said “You’re pregnant”.  I tested in the morning and discovered that, at the age of 40 I really was pregnant. Wow!

 

Giving birth at 40, we began to try for a sibling.

After a wonderful pregnancy, I gave birth to our Natasha.  We didn’t want her to grow up without a sibling, I actually had nightmares about her feeling alone while her older sisters 15 years ahead of her.

Concerned we were getting old, and the chances of me conceiving again are so low, we started trying again when Nattie was only four months—and I was pregnant again after the first month.

At that point life became a blur full of diapers and excitement and joy.  But we began to become more concerned about trying to extend our lives.  We wanted to make sure we could live as long as possible and in good health.

 

Still trying at 47, I know this will be our last child.

Later, at 43, I had two additional pregnancies, one after the other. Both resulted in miscarriages caused by massive fibroids.

The clock was ticking and, after several tests, we were told that my eggs were of poor quality.

At the age of 47 we will be traveling with the girls to Cancun to do IVF using donor egg.  I believe they call it a fertility vacation.  The clinic has a high success rate and this will be our last child.

How do I know it’s our last?

For the first time, I’ve begun to make plans that don’t include pregnancy, childbirth or additional babies.  I’m looking forward to the next stage of life watching my girls grow.  I am so glad I starting traveling on a road that I created for myself!

To all on this journey of motherhood after 40, my advice is to drench yourself in support and love.

 

Notes for this blog:

Mia Naseth-Phillips is originally from Philadelphia and a “military brat” who has lived in many places. She is a SAHM and works in grant management from her home. Her interests include gardening, travel and reading.

10 Responses to Love, Marriage & Babies After 40? You Bet!

  1. laura says:

    Thank you so much for posting this I’m in the same situation…. reading other people’s stories is encouraging and inspiring that I will also make it happen….

  2. Ashley says:

    Mia,
    You’re story encourages me.
    I became a mother at 44 via adoption (I too married late) and become concerned about my daughter being an only child. I am now 46 and have been debating another baby. I often wonder how my energy level will be having another in my late 40’s. How do you keep up your energy? Keep up the good work-you’re an inspiration!

  3. Mia says:

    Thanks!! Energy has been a issue but we have made commitment to staying active and healthy. My energy level is at its best when I am healthy and living a healthy lifestyle.

    • Miranda says:

      Mia,

      I am so glad I found your story on here. I am 6 weeks with a donor egg and 48 years old. First child. I am quite nervous and wondering if we did the right thing, in spite of this being something we strived so hard to do! It’s my hubby’s first and only and he is 50. I am trying to garner all the support I can from similar age group!

  4. Dena says:

    Mia,

    Thank you for sharing that AMAZING & AWESOME STORY!!! I would love more information on the Cancun vacation. Can you email me details? Thanks
    Sincerely,
    Dena

  5. Anna says:

    Hi Mia,
    I was wondering if you did your donor IVF program already. How did it go? Your story encourages me too. I am 43, and I am a mother of two grown ups, and I have been told the same, that my eggs were of a poor quality and that I have to use donor eggs. I was hesitating about this option as I have two children of my own, and the thought of having To use someone else’s eggs was like having not my own children. How do you feel about it?

  6. Romana says:

    Good afternoon,

    I am 45 yrs old and on my 2nd marriage.
    My husband is younger than me and has no children.
    I had my tubes cut in 2011.
    I have 2 healthy children, 13 & 7 yrs of age.
    I am healthy, no medical conditions and have never had problems concieving or
    delivering.
    I know age is not on my side and Im worried about the risks.
    And Im just starting the process of emailing all these fertility clinics and getting quite discouraged as alot of them dont take women after 42.

    Can we be a candidate for IVF?

    Or would it be worth reversing my tubal ligation?

    Kind Regards,

    Romana

  7. Wow says:

    Great story. Thanks for sharing. It inspired me. In the process of adoption in mid 40s.

  8. Rhonda says:

    Thank you for your story

  9. Regla Quintero says:

    Mia, such an inspiring story thank you so much for sharing. I was raising my two siblings in my twenties and by the time they were all grown up I was 40, single and without a child of my own. Your story is a testimony that I should not count myself out just yet. Thank you so very much and God bless.

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