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Imagine you’re standing at a crossroads and there are two roads ahead. One is worn and called ‘Motherhood’ and the other is lightly trodden and signposted ‘Childless’.
I’m guessing that you’re afraid to step along the “Childless After 40” road so let’s imagine walking along it hand in hand for a couple of minutes after which you can return to the crossroads with more knowledge as to what the road might be like for you.
So here we go,
1. First steps – you feel grief and sadness, sometimes crippling. No one understands how you feel and why you feel that way, after all nothing’s changed so what’s the problem? Everywhere you look there are babies or people getting pregnant and it makes you so ashamed that you want to hide.
2. A few more steps – you feel anger at everyone who gets pregnant over 40 when you couldn’t, at the media for portraying late motherhood as easy, and at the world in general for not understanding that you still feel like crap. And what hurts is that you still can’t be anywhere near babies.
3. Even more steps – you’re reluctantly starting to accept the life you have. You’re starting to realise that you can have a great life without children and that your future happiness depends on YOU not others. What holds you back is that the grief and sadness keep coming back but less than they did.
4. And even further – you feel renewal and a realisation that your life can be fantastic. There are so many things you can DO; change career, work part time or not at all, travel at any time of year, to places children wouldn’t want to go and be spontaneous because there’s no need to find childcare.
And you can BE who you were meant to be, you can finally tell your story, own it and know that you get to write the ending.
It feels pretty great doesn’t it?
Now from this positive place turn round and look back at how far you’ve come, and how comforting it was to walk hand in hand with someone helping you every step of the way.
It took me over ten years to get to where you are now because I didn’t have a guiding hand. It was the discovery of NLP and Time Line techniques that finally enabled me to leave behind the grief and sadness and to live a positive life.
Thank you for walking with me. Please return to the crossroads knowing that there is no need to be afraid to take the other path and, if you take it, please ensure you have someone to hold your hand.
Notes for this blog:
Lesley Pyne supports childless women to heal their past and to create a life they love. She went through “too many” unsuccessful cycles of IVF and uses her first-hand experience and professional skills in NLP and time line techniques to help other childless women. Her website is www.LesleyPyne.co.uk (http://www NULL.LesleyPyne NULL.co NULL.uk)
- (http://www NULL.ctvnews NULL.ca/health/health-headlines/women-increasingly-going-online-to-seek-free-sperm-donors-1 NULL.1590245)
Angel on CNN(http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=WySnP2nnwXU)
CNN Mother's Day: "Mature Moms" (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=WySnP2nnwXU)(http://youtu NULL.be/atScMih4_d0) (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=sGRro4rHGeA)
AARP's "Inside E-Sreet" on PBS TV (http://www NULL.youtube NULL.com/watch?v=sGRro4rHGeA)
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