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Our medley of stories would not be complete without the ‘little sister’ of the midlife motherhood sorority.
Michele Moyer had her two children in her late thirties after a long journey through fertility treatments and finds herself parenting a toddler and a kindergartener in her 40s.
Moyer, now 42, was a Real Estate Loan administrator before she settled down and married her partner whom she’d dated “on and off” since her early twenties.
“Both of us just knew at that point that we were ready to be married and that we wanted to be married to each other,” says Moyer.
It Seemed Right; We Both Wanted Children
“It just seemed right and it still does. We both wanted children.”
After getting married at 32 in 2000, the Moyers honeymooned in Costa Rica for two weeks where Michele was sure she would get pregnant.
Although she had not conceived when the honeymoon ended, she remained positive, “having fun and enjoying being a newlywed for the first year.
According to Moyer, “I was a little nervous about not getting pregnant right away, but kept my fears to myself”.
However, she could not keep the front up indefinitely.
Becoming Pregnant Became My Only Goal
“During my second year, I was not having fun, and becoming pregnant became my only goal.”
“I started reading everything I could about fertility, bought the $100 ovulation detector machine and cried every month”, she admits.
By the time she was 34, she felt “pretty broken” and finally took matters into her own hands and went to see her doctor.
After a hysterosalpingogram (http://en NULL.wikipedia NULL.org/wiki/Hysterosalpingography)(HSG) test was administered, her doctor called a few days later to confirm her worst fears—both of Michele Moyers fallopian tubes were blocked. She was immediately referred to a fertility specialist.
Moyer Was Not Ready To Give Up
And although her husband was willing to support her decision, whether she wished to have children or not, Moyer was not ready to give up.
“I became very determined to make my dream of motherhood come true, whatever it took” she says.
After surgery to clear her fallopian tubes followed by IVF treatments, Michele became pregnant with her son, Ty, and gave birth at 36.
18 Months Later, She Was Pregnant Again
Eighteen months later, she was pregnant again with daughter Miranda and gave birth at 38.
Well aware of her age, Moyer says she “chose not to do amniotic testing with either of my children because I just knew that whoever they were going to be, they were going to be mine.”
“I trusted they’d be exactly right for me” she continues.
Despite having high blood pressure during pregnancy, Moyer gave birth naturally to both of her children, and found some inner resolution with her earlier challenges of getting pregnant.
“I finally felt that I was good at something “she says, “I could not achieve pregnancy naturally but I was a birthing warrior!”
I Just Didn’t Feel “Older”
Now, raising her children in her 40s, Moyer says “I had no expectations of being an older mother—I just didn’t feel ‘older’”.
She admits that she often thinks about how old she will be when her kids graduate from high school—but it makes her more motivated to stay healthy and have a ‘young’ attitude.
Moyer also feels that being ‘older’ has its advantages over more youthful motherhood, like “the zen feeling that only comes with age and experience”.
“At this time in my life I feel very blessed to be able to devote myself to my kids and husband” she says.
“I am not sure that if I was younger that I would be so content.
“I also know that if I was younger my husband and I would not have been able to afford the huge cost of IVF, and the financial burden would have been too much.”
Born in 1968, Michele experienced her youth in the 1970s and 80s and shares the same concerns about raising children in the millennium as her midlife mother peers.
Everything Seems Different Now
“Everything seems different now. I do try to keep my children’s lives as simple and as slow as possible like my own childhood.”
“I try to keep the material items to a minimum, especially the junky plastic ones!”
“I walked everywhere I went starting in elementary school. I think that has changed and it makes me sad.”
Michele Moyer’s advice to other women who want children is resoundingly simple: “If your dream is to be a mother, than do it no matter your age. Stay focused on what is important!”
Regarding the dragging tin can of social stigma that modern older mothers still carry, she says “Stop the judgment—each person has a right to walk their own path.”
“Being a mom with wisdom is awesome!” says Michele, “we really need each other; it does take a village to raise a child”.
Notes for this blog:
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